Three Rules I Live By that I Learned in Acting School

I learned a lot of good real world stuff as an undergraduate in acting school (with the exception of how to get a job and earn a living of course).

Point 1: Nobody Cares How Hard You've Worked

Remember those deodorant commercials, "never let 'em see you sweat?" If you are of a certain age you do. If not, shut up and listen (just kidding, I'm feeling rather cheeky today). That was acting advice 101. And it's so true. Stay as cool as a cucumber no matter how badly you're burning up inside. Don't tell us how hard it is. Nobody cares. Effort doesn't count. Results count. Really nice people who want to make you feel good will tell you differently and you can believe them if you'd like. I prefer the truth. I prefer to produce. End of story.

Point 2: Never Apologize

Ah, we were so amazing!  If only we knew it at the time. A bunch of eighteen year old gorgeous NYU theater majors about to get up to perform an acting scene to be critiqued by our teacher. The excuses we came up with out of fear of failure!!

Finally, one acting teacher told us to "just shut up and act."  I never forgot this. From board room to body building, I never apologize. So many women I know might consider this. Stop being sorry for everything you do or do not do.

Point 3: Find Your Truth

My acting school, The Lee Strasberg Theatre Institute was all about "The Truth." If you know anything about acting styles, this was the famous "Method" acting style that Marlon Brando ("Stella!"), Marilyn Monroe (see Michelle William's wonderful portrayal in My Week With Marilyn), Robert DeNiro (think Raging Bull) made famous.

"Finding The Truth" freaked me out and haunted me for years and years as I trained to be an actress. I was desperately afraid of its mortal enemy: BEING FAKE. It took me about 20 years to figure out that there is no objective truth. There is only my own.

My personal truth is freeing not confining and what a relief it has been to decode this "truth".

Be you and there is nothing left to worry about.

Why Do I Write this?

Lately, I have been struggling with wanting to start back up with writing my blog but I have been struggling to fit in the time to make them as "perfect" as I need them to be.  Therefore, I have been producing nothing and wallowing in self pity.  I have also had the impulse to apologize for writing a blog not so well thought out and maybe not getting as deeply to the heart of the matter, my heart, that is, as I'd like.

Then I remembered my own advice:  Shut up. Write. Don't make excuses for how busy I am or how much more heartfelt my posts could be if, if, if......

Anway, it's good to be back!

Hello my lovely friends.  I've been away. Deeply cocooned in a winter hibernation. And now Mama Bear returns!!  Not with a roar though.

More like a coo.

I'm feeling sweet lately.  A bit (but not too) soft.  And mostly grateful.  

As a bodybuilder experiencing her first off-season since I started this sport in 2009, each day feels like Christmas!

Each day, I wake up incredulous!! an eight year old, with a most wondrous twinkle in my eye.  REALLY MOM?  REALLY?  I CAN EAT WHATEVER I WANT!

Of course I can always eat whatever I want.  Think about it.  I'm a woman of a certain age (this is the part where you say but you look so young) with decent financial mobility to eat well, drink well, go to fun restaurants and bars, buy some fun toys.  Live life to its fullest.  And yet, 40 weeks or more out of the year, I am dieting.  Seriously hardcore hungry dieting.  The begging pleading, Eat Ludvig eat from the world at large, kind of dieting (a joke only fellow women of a certain age who watched a certain late night comedy many moons ago will get).

It is my choice not to eat when I prep for a show.  I know that.  I've got competition dieting worked out girls:

• I like to call it proactive starvation... 
• My star turn as a hunger artist.... 
• Conscious meditation on the reduction of caloric intake....
• Seriously reducing  my carbon and actual footprint.....
• The I love to wear my clothes baggier and baggier because I can method
• My so what if there is no fat left on my neck and face, have you felt how friggin hard my ass is approach.  
• And my call to arms:  I'm a LEAN AND FIT NATION OF ONE, WHO WANTS TO JOIN ME!!!???? 

So there she is girls, my rather more militant game-on competitor side making an appearance.

But that bitch has seriously gone dormant.  Totally tuberously underground.

And I love it!!! I am so free without her!
'
Let me tell you what I'm not up to these days:

• I'm not scanning facebook every night to size up my possible competition.  
• There is not even a limit to how good I want fellow bodybuilders to look (usual limit -- I want them to look awesome but just not as good as me).  
• I don't walk around thinking that 99 out of 100 people I meet are obese or at least borderline chubby (Note-- it's crazy how your eyes calibrate off of  how you and only look.  When you are a walking skeleton, all you notice everywhere else is flesh flesh flesh!!) 
• I'm not emailing my coach at 11:30 PM wondering if the macros I googled for a pomegranate I was thinking about eating but actually didn't because I didn't want to risk them being wrong, are accurate
• I'm not drinking two pots of coffee a day anymore -- and can you believe how much calmer I am on this sheer fact alone?? 
• And finally, here is the best one girls -- wait for it, wait for it:  I'm not going to bed hungry. Do you know how good that feels?  Just to say it??? And then to luxuriate in this experience?  

All the time.  I get to feel.  Sated.  Full.  Comfortable.  Cozy.  Sleepy.  And still friggin lean and fit.

Just right.  Mama Bear is happy girls.

Really happy.  xo

Diet Down but Dig Deep for Inner Peace

I've competed in figure and bodybuilding competitions for a few years now.  I can sum up my bodybuilding preparation in one paragraph:

Weigh and measure all food to account for my macros (protein, fats and carbs).  Weigh myself daily.  Weight train 5 to 6 days a week.  Do my cardio as needed to get lean.  Submit weekly pictures and spreadsheets to my coach.  Wait for coach feedback.  Adjust accordingly.  Work as hard as I can to hit my "goal" weight and look for a show.  Practice posing, purchase posing suit, get ready for show day and GO!  Go for a win!!!! Sounds about right, don't you think?

My son Brendan is in second grade and that is the kind of paragraph he writes to his teacher in his weekend journal. No matter how hard I try, I haven't been able to get him to do anything but list the stuff he's gotten and the places he's gone.  I try to give him examples, like, why don't you tell Mrs. Shea about how hard you cracked up when Dad dropped the pie on the floor (I cried of course - what a waste of a gorgeous, luscious unbelievable pie -- so what if I can't eat it, that pie deserved better!)  Brendan stares at me and says - "Mom, why? Why would I want to do that?"

(I fast forward the tape 10 years and know, just know that some poor beautiful girl will be sitting in a restaurant having this exact same conversation with my son).

You may not like what I'm about to say.  But.  Here goes.

Sometimes I have this same kind of conversation when I meet others in the physique world.  Ask a fellow competitor how they're doing, and here's what you'll usually here:

I'm in my off-season
No off-season for me this year!
I started my diet 1 week ago and I'm already down 7 pounds!!
Don't look at me now, I just gained a ton of weight
This is the heaviest I've ever been
This is the leanest I've ever been
You should have seen me three weeks ago!
I put on a sh**load of muscle this off-season
I put on a sh**load of fat this off-season
I think I can make lightweight this year
I'm definitely a heavyweight this year

And on and on it goes.............................

Enough already!!

Tell me this:

What do you do better than anyone else in this world?
What makes you laugh?
What is your deepest fear and what step did you take today to overcome it?
Tell me about an unfulfilled dream -- can you manifest even just a scrap of it?
When do you feel most alive, passionate, happy and pulsating with peace inside of your skin?
What are you hiding from?
What are you running towards?
Who do you love and why?
How can I help you?
How can you help me?

Instead of telling me what you'll do if you win a show, tell me what you'll do if you don't?
What do you really, I mean really want to achieve as a bodybuilder?  Pro card and trophies are not acceptable answers.  Tell me more.

How can you find peace?

I mean real peace.  Not 12 week manic diet mode pseudo-peace.  


Peace with and acceptance of our bodies. Off-season bodies even more so -- we live there more than on our stage-ready bodies, don't we? 


Peace within our minds. As pro card winners or last place finishers.  


Peace within these spirits, these often imperfect, desperately hungry spirits.    

This kind of Peace.

Let's get real my bodybuilder friends -- of course you don't have to share your answers with me or anyone else -- but you sure do need to ask this question of yourself.  I promise to do the same.


What are you really hungry for?

Love Letter to a New Competitor

Dear One:

There are so many thoughts and feelings I have about this exciting new journey you have begun.  I know this is such a scary yet exciting time for you.  Please know that I share your fears, your nervousness and your excitement!

Maybe you've been considering this for years now but the timing wasn't right.  Or your confidence wasn't there.  Or you just didn't.  Do.  It.

Maybe you've been a slave to the gym for years and figure it's time that you finally peel off the layers obscuring all of your glorious muscle and show it off for the world to see!!

Or maybe you met a friend at the gym yesterday who inspired you, or saw a picture in Oxygen Magazine last week, and said -- I MUST LOOK LIKE THAT.

However you've gotten there. You are there.

And even better -- you are here.  On the doorstep of a new adventure.  A new goal.  A new world filled with counting carbs, flexing muscles, gazing in mirrors, posing suits, spray tan and let's not forget -- training and cardio. 

My beloved new competitor, this is a very special, crazy and unparalleled time in your life!!

Just like all those other "firsts" in life.  You will always remember these next 3, 4 or 5 months - however long you choose to prep.  I promise you, you will be a different person by the end of your competition prep.  And by different I mean better.  

It doesn't matter if you do it just this one time, or whether you go on to compete for years.  It doesn't matter if you win your pro card this first time around or take last place.  You will look back with sincere satisfaction at what you have accomplished.

And what you learn about you will take you far in life.  

There are so many resources out there to help you.  I am offering myself up as one.  Read my blog.  Become a follower.  Ask me questions.  If I don't know the answers, I will help direct you to those who do.

Please know, dear one, that I am proud of you already.  No matter what happens on your road to the bodybuilding, figure, bikini, fitbody, physique stage.

Tonight, I will list off ten thoughts/ideas to possibly help you shape the journey ahead.

1.  It is going to hurt.  But just like childbirth, getting a tattoo or wearing Manolo Blahnik pumps, the pay off is sooooooo worth it.

2.  You will get hungry.  You will drink tea, water, chew gum, eat pickles, and possibly copious amounts of coffee to fight this hunger.  In time, you will learn that sometimes it's just best to go to bed early.  It's always better the next day, I promise.

3.   You will amaze yourself on a regular basis.  Like the morning after you've gone to bed early on the night where you wanted to eat the walls of what you wished was your gingerbread house.  And you know that you didn't.  One more notch in the belt there - literally and figuratively, thank you very much!!

4.   There will be a wedding, once-a-decade girl's weekend,  cruise or banquet you will have to attend right in the heart of your competition diet.  Trust me, it's inevitable.  There is no one way to handle this.  Well, there really is -- you must walk in with a plan. What that plan looks like is up to you and your coach.

5.  You will have setbacks. Setbacks suck.   Setbacks are often quite sneaky.  It's usually not at the wedding type events where I've slipped.  It's when someone had a plate of cookies or even crackers (WASTE OF CARBS)  that I didn't even like that much.  And white wine, instead of my favorite, red.  The times where I didn't think I'd have a problem, and just grabbed on auto pilot.  Like I said, sneaky.

6.  You are not perfect.  No one wants you to be.  Your setbacks are your best teachers in this regard.  You will learn in time and with practice when you are at your most dangerous and vulnerable.  For me, this is in the kitchen at night before bed.  I can undo a day's worth of impeccable eating with little picks of this and that.  Remember what I said in number 2 about going to bed?  That is what I have to do a LOT.  After a setback, you will hate yourself, feel like quitting.  You will think you've ruined everything.  I am hear to tell you now.  That you are still lovable, not a loser and haven't ruined anything.  Just start right where you left off.  Do not skip meals.  Just pick right back up.

7.   You will need a support system.  A professional coach is ideal for that necessary trained set of eyes. None of us can see ourselves objectively no matter how long we've been competing. You need to make friends with other competitors because your best friend, as supportive as she may be, will not understand what you are going through.  It may even make her uncomfortable.  Do yourself a favor and reach out to others in the physique world.

8. You will definitely make some people uncomfortable.  The leanness that at least a natural competitor needs to look onstage is not a normal leanness.  It is hyper, freaky, lean.  Not ordinary person lean.  Ordinary people may ask you if you have cancer, if you are sick in some way or why you are starving yourself.  Some of these questions are well intentioned and sometimes they are from people who just do not want to see you succeed.  Here is what I've noticed in my years of competing -- people get very uncomfortable with a lean person eating a piece of grilled chicken they've brought with them in a zip lock bag.  But nobody, I mean nobody blinks an eye if you plop down with a McRib sandwich, large fries and a super sized Coke.  Which would you prefer?

9.  Zip locks are your friend.  And Tupperware, and coolers, and your own condiments even.  I have balsamic vinegar and Tabasco sauce on hand at all times.  Zip lock bags of protein are forever flying out of my purse.  Do not let this embarrass you!! Refer to McRib scenario above.  Zip locks make it possible for you to go wherever your work, family or friends need you to be.  When in doubt -- a zip lock of chicken and an order of a plain green salad will take you wherever you need to go socially.

10. While you will see  your muscles pop as your diet progresses, I have no doubt that you will utterly wow yourself with what pops from the inside, like a level of inner strength, resilience and determination that maybe you never knew you had.  I promise you will be able to flex these skills far beyond the biceps you flex on show day.

Please let me know your thoughts, dear new competitor.  I am here for you.

Yours in Faith, Belief and Utter Confidence that You Can Do this.

Kathleen.

Calorie-Free Tips Beat the Diet Blues

Dieting, stress or winter blues got you down?  Are you feeling like me in my Monday Mucky in the Mind post? You probably just need a QUICK UP!!  Kathleen, what's a Quick-up you ask?


Well, girls, a quick-up is a simple calorie-free strategy to laugh, smile and embrace your AWESOME-I-AM-NESS.  Here are 10 QUICK UP suggestions from me to you:

1. Wear your cutest pair of shoes. That way any time someone asks you, "why are you looking so down?" you will smile!
2. And more on the foot theme: Get a pedi and paint your toes a blazing fire engine red. If you personally are unable to scream out loud, let your toes do it for you.
3. Read a quick chapter from your favorite funny but soulful author like Anne LaMott, Kristin Armstrong, or David Sedaris. Even better, ask your co-worker with the funny lisp to read it aloud for you in his best David Sedaris sound-alike.

4. Put your reading glasses on your kid's face - like this. I smile as big as the gap between Fineas' front teeth every time I do this. 
5. Put on your most unflattering skinny jeans with a cami top and your oldest 80's cinch belt - make it just terrible enough to be unflattering but not clownish. Now go ask your boyfriend or husband with a straight face if he likes your new outfit. Might as well ask him if you look fat in it too. Make him squirm and enjoy!
6. Head over to the local YMCA at around 4 p.m. any weekday in January. Watch for the earnest muscly college boys home on winter break following their strength and conditioning programs in the off-season. Be sure to wear a low brimmed baseball hat so as to maintain your MLF (and not lurking cougar) status.
7. Embrace your inner yogini:  don either pigtails, braids or a high-on- top-of- the-head pony tail, a flowy pair of drawstring pants and your silkiest organic cotton shirt. Put on a pretty toe ring and flip flops so at show off your fiery red toes and wander the aisles of Whole Foods noshing on the free samples if you can. or inhaling the smells if you can't.  Works for me every time!
8. Make fart noises with any boy in your life under the age of 12 (or let out a real one). I promise you, you will not be able to hold back the laughter.
9. Get a babysitter. Enough said. No kids?  Offer to babysit:  See number 4 above.
10. Give away your fat clothes. Now. Do it. No matter how much they cost. I know lots of women who will gladly give you theirs if you find that you need them again. Warning: This feels FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Got a quick-up to add to this list?  Let me know!

Overcoming Mucky-In-The-Mind Monday

Today was just one of those Mucky-in-the-Mind Mondays.

I got off to a bad start by oversleeping and missing my morning weight training session.  The scale was up, the hair was frizzy, and since I had to help my husband out tonight with Brendan's scout meeting, I knew that I was going to miss my Monday evening study group,  One Month to Live:  30 Days to a No Regrets Life.

Besides my after-dinner chocolate rice cake with a tablespoon of peanut butter,  all day I felt like I had nothing to look forward to.

But enough.  I will neither wade nor wallow in the wimpy world of WHINING.  No.

If I really try and work this course I'm taking, and act as if I had a precious thirty days left to live, I'd rejoice at the opportunity to be there tonight listening to my husband Mark lead the Wolf scouts through a game of Nutrition Bingo (cereal, protein, grains, fruit, polyunsaturated fats?  BINGO!!) followed by questions I had no clue how to answer without Google like:  what country sits right in the center of the equator?  Why Ecuador of course!  I'm pretty sure I now understand where the premise for the game show - Are you Smarter than a Second Grader, came from.

If my days were numbered, I probably would relish and chuckle even more, the sweet, friendly yet utterly noncommittal way that my husband responded to our friendly cub scout troop leader's hard sell on how great taking over as the troop leader would be for Mark.  I can learn from Mark - he has such a special gift for saying no without ever actually saying it.

And lest I forget, if I really was on my way out of this world, I probably would resonate and welcome with an open (and curious) heart, the unrelenting questions from my five year old son Fineas about Jesus.  On the cross.  Being crucified.  Wearing the crown of thorns.  With nails in his hands and feet.

And, no matter how inappropriately timed Fin's questions are, like when the birthday girl is about to blow out the candles, or we say hello to our Orthodox neighbors Saturday morning as they walk to temple, or like tonight, when Mark asked  the scouts if they knew what a topographic legend is and Finny kicked off a lively discussion around how difficult it is to see the crown of thorns on the the crucifix in the church hall where our meeting was being held, I would answer boldly and warmly without a tinge of annoyance or embarrassment.

And how could I overlook walking in the door from work tonight ravenously hungry, and being handed a beautiful plate of warm, grilled tuna, brown rice and broccoli, all prepared by my husband extraordinaire  - and not shout my gratitude and thanks from the mountaintop?

Really?  What do I have to complain about?   I have no choice but to Rejoice.  Relish.  And Resonate. With love, laughter, learning and lovingly prepared food in my life, I am one lucky Mama, wife and Scout Mother.  

And who knows, maybe sometime in the next thirty days, Mark and I will succeed in redirecting Finny's curiosity to the birth of Baby Jesus.

                                                    And all will be well in my world.  

10 Foods I Just Can't Live Without

Maybe it's because we are headed into the weekend,  I've got food on the brain.  Here is a list of my top ten food/beverage choices that I just can't live without:

1. Coffee - I have a deep love affair with rich, dark roasts. My wonderful-zero-calorie-cup- of-deliciousness. Added bonus: nothing - and I mean nothing - dampens my hunger like coffee. My go-to drug of choice.

2. Nut Butters - almond and peanut. They don't say "it's like buttah for nothin!" This fat is good for you but calorically dense, so if you haven't yet weighed or measured what 1 TBSP equals, you will probably be shocked at how little it really is.

3. Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin Bread - heartiest, chewiest, naturally sprouted bread with low glycemic index, so that you never crash and burn after eating it.Makes awesome French Toast.  www.foodforlife.com

4. Greek Yogurt - more protein, less sugar, creamier and just plain old YUM. If you are still eating regular yogurt, make the change today!!

5. Frank's Red Hot Sauce -- my number 1 go-to condiment.  Me, a ziplock of grilled chicken doused in this stuff = happiness. Zests up the plainest of food and it's carb-free!

6. Balsamic Vinegar -- sweet and robust, I use nothing but this on my salads.  After all, I've got to save my fat calories for my beloved nut butter

7. Gallon Jug of Water -- I actually mean the jugs themselves. Only way I'll drink a full gallon every day. Other bottles, no matter how cute or eco-friendly don't work for me. Plus, isn't it required bodybuilder equipment at the gym?

8. Canned Pumpkin - pumpkin is delicious, low carb and versatile. I love it mixed in with egg whites, protein pancakes, muffins.

9. Huge green salads - I eat one every day, year round. In prep, it helps A LOT with hunger -- a whole bag of ready to eat lettuce w/ tomato, cucumber, red onion and a few black Calamata olives -- the whole thing about fifteen carbs, delicious and densely nutritious.

10. Chocolate Rice Cakes -- rice cakes are a staple for a lot of competitor friends but the chocolate version is worth the extra few carbs to me! I usually have 1 TBSP nut butter on a chocolate rice cake with a cup of coffee as dessert!  FAVORITE part of my day. Or is the Ezekiel bread my favorite? So hard to choose!!

I eat these foods year round - in preparation for a body building show and in the off-season. In fact, I'm deep into my off-season now and a co-worker just walked by and said "You still eating those salads? I thought you'd be onto fried chicken every day by now."  Clean eating is a lifestyle choice for me and not just something I do for 12 weeks. My body and my mind are clearer, stronger and I am able to bring my A-game when I eat clean.

To put this into perceptive, I can remember just about 3 years, when I had an ongoing battle in my head to FORCE myself to eat salad. I'd forever bargain with myself, kinda like this:   "OK, if you have a salad today, you can have a panini tomorrow."

Now, I crave salad and miss it if I don't have one for a couple of days.

As for paninis, they've fallen by the wayside along with Starbucks' pumpkin muffins, big bowls of white flour ravioli and pizza three nights a week. (A bit of foreshadowing to my next post -- "10 Foods/Things I Just Can't Believe I Live Without" )

Change is possible. And you'll even grow to like it.   I'm a testament to this.  With time and practice. One panini at a time.